I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
