I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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