I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
