i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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