If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
