I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
