oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
