This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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