He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
