lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
