I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
