I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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