Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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