I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
there's paper in my vomit.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
