I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
