their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
