like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
