Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
