you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
