i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
