I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
