It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
