Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She's the barista slut.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
