shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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