Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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