sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
