guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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