I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
