i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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