I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
