bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
