dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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