I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
