I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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