i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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