I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
