the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
