I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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