hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
