I didn't shave. On purpose
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
