a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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