i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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