I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
