I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
