Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
