Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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