Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
