I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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