He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
