i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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