grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
