and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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