he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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